My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
