Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to calm my uterus...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
