i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize