Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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