Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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