Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
