Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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