was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
