I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
