Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
