I cockslap morals
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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