what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
COCAINE IS GR8
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
