careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
