I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize