wrigley field is MILF paradise
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
