ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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