My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
