cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize