Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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