Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
