Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Someone shattered a urinal.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
