thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
