I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize