She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize