I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
