the condom got lost in my hair
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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