so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
