Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
