i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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