I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize