i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
