My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
