You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize