Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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