:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
