please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
