I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
