On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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