We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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