She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
