Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize