is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
