OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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