we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
