And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
