I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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