I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
