I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
