They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
