Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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