you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They took my balls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
