I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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