there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
