I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh god it's open bar.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
