I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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