I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
