And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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