So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
