your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
