he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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