I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
